Final Fantasy IX - It is like a Stephen King novel

 

I have been playing a lot of Final Fantasy IX with my wife lately. You could say that we are fans of the franchise - I have been vigorously playing through FFXIV: Shadowbringers annually as well 100% Final Fantasy VII (the original one) every summer. I have never played IX; call me superficial, but I looked at the characters and was turned off. I looked up what the story is about and based upon one single glance I immediately said: no. However, my wife being an admirer of everything Final Fantasy, wanted to give it a try (and I was curious), so we did. Let me briefly outline what are my thoughts on this game – I really enjoyed the 2/3 of the story while disliked the last 1/3. I want to start with simple first impressions of everything going from the aforementioned art style, the gameplay, the characters, before going deeper into the story. There will be spoilers for this 24-year-old game. I will also be criticizing a lot, because that is what I do and who I am. I will also be drawing some comparisons to earlier and later entries in the series.

 

Anyway, I could not have been more wrong about the art style - yes, when you put the characters side by side and you have nothing but a white background behind them, they look weird. They look abnormal. Their heads are somewhat larger than their bodies, their arms plop around them as they walk as if they had no bones - they are absolutely disproportionate, comical even. Up to the point where there is a character whose hair covers their face so much it looks as if they have no face at all. I was shocked how beautiful the scenery and the design of the cities, castles, forests and villages were. The world of Gaia is a fantastic display of high fantasy that somehow reminds me of the Never-ending story and to some degree of Tolkien - especially of the pale drawings of Alan Lee. Forget the cyberpunk of VII and whatever it is that was VIII, the world of IX is traditional fantasy. As such, these over-the-top characters that are far from realistic actually fit quite well into the game. The world map itself isn’t anything to gush about, it remains very similar to VII and VIII, with its bland green for grass, dark green for trees and blue for water, however the interiors of the cities are a shining gem that I have not seen done like this before. Nothing compliments a beautiful scenery better than immersive music. Nobuo once again saw a Final Fantasy game and decided to make an epic soundtrack; the music is so good at invoking medieval fantasy that I want to use it at my next DnD session that I will have with my friends. I simply have to mention these: Court Jesters, Quina’s Theme, Ukulele de Chocobo (Oh my god!!), Linblum, Gargan Roo, Black Mage Village and many others! I mean the music is just amazing. One last thing I want to mention about the soundtrack is that it gave me serious Twin Peaks vibes (and overall, Angelo Badalamenti feelings). Some tracks further near the end of the game have also reminded me of the Disco Elysium of recent fame. Both were expressions of dreamy, hazy and uncertain emotions.

The gameplay system is truly coming in strong when considering what is and is not the traditional "old school" Final Fantasy. It is not entirely turn based, but still retains the classic ATB system that VII and VIII had. I enjoyed it. I had issues with how the animations not always sync up with what is going on and sometimes, especially during boss battles it can get somewhat daunting to figure out who is going to attack when. However, I could get used to it. There are no limit brakes in FFIX, instead the developers opted for a “trance system”, which works in a similar way, even though there are differences. In IX, what happens is that when a character has sustained enough damage, they “trance” and transform into a strengthened version of themselves. Their visuals also change which is really the only exciting part about the whole thing. Mages can go twice in a row, melee characters attack with stronger blows but that is it. What is annoying is that there is no control over when a character goes into “trance”. So, 90% of all trancing is wasted on trash mobs. There is also an equip and an ability system that is somewhat intertwined – every character has five slots for gear and each piece of gear has one or more abilities that a character can use if they have this piece equipped. They can also, over the course of battling gain ability points (AP) which can contribute to that character learning that ability regardless of the item equipped. So, for example you have Zidane (the protagonist) equip a Power Vest which has the ability Counter – Zidane needs to gain a specific amount of AP in battle in order to learn the Counter ability so that he can use it with other gear equipped.

This all sounds very interesting and I was excited when it was first introduced, however further into the game you realize that essential abilities are tied to this system and each character can only equip a limited number of abilities. Therefore, you cannot really make insane combinations like you could do in Final Fantasy Tactics (which is the best Final Fantasy game of all time, obviously). Typical FF summons like Bahamut, Alexander, Odin (and others – although no Diabolos in IX!) are present and they also feature somewhat in the story, but not to an extent they do in the latest FFXVI – however this time there are only two characters in the game, who can do the summoning (unlike in VII or VIII).

 

Alright, I am getting near to the characters themselves, but before I break them down, let me get you into what the story is about, at least partially. In the world of Gaia, there is the city kingdom of Alexandria where the Queen Brahne rules and whose daughter Garnet does not really want to be a princess and wants to escape her everyday life. Well… in comes the main protagonist of the game called Zidane (no football jokes) who is a part of a travelling circus called the Tantalus Theater Troupe, a gathering of actors, performers, jugglers, you name it. He is a young monkey man (that is what he is referred to in game, however he has a yellow tail and that is it) who is full of bravado, does not fear anything, wants to enjoy life to the fullest and is very easy going. You can imagine the type - Indiana Solo but without the trademarked Ford grumpiness and with beautiful Meg Ryan blonde hair that is parted down the middle. The Tantalus roams the world aboard the Prima Vista, a flying airship. Have I mentioned that FFIX is traditional high medieval fantasy? There are flying ships too. Zidane and his friends are getting ready for a performance of a play in Alexandria where they also plan to kidnap Garnet the princess. It is never quite clearly stated why they want to do that, but one would assume for money. Thankfully, Garnet wants to be kidnapped, however the whole operation goes down literally in flames as the Queen, Garnet’s adoptive mother decides to blast the ship with cannons and they crash in a cursed forest full of monsters. They are also joined by Steiner, a captain of the Knights of Pluto who are one half of the Queen’s guard. He joins the fleeing Prima Vista and reluctantly joins Zidane and Co. in their escape from the cursed forest. They are also joined by Vivi, a shy little boy who looks almost exactly like the Black Mage sprite from older Final Fantasy games. He turns out to be exactly that – a black mage. Together they flee the forest and Garnet decides that she does not want to return home and persuades everyone to go the nearest city kingdom of Lindblum, where she has an uncle (this game’s Cid). Steiner protests, of course. The party is attacked by Black Mages who turn out to be puppets that serve the Queen of Alexandria who turns out wants to conquer the whole world with their magic, because we need our first villain. Garnet is also a summoner and her adoptive mother needs to extract the summoning magic from her in order to get a steady access to other Black Mage puppets. These are being supplied by a mysterious individual about whom I have a lot to say later.

 

Now, let us take a break and let me start describing the characters and what I think about them. This is very important to me, because if it is not a From Software game (or exceptions), my main interest in a game is the story and the characters.

I will start with the party members I like.

My most favorite character has to be Freya. She is a Burmecian dragon knight – meaning she is this game’s iteration of the dragoon job from Final Fantasy. Dragoons either hunt dragons by jumping really high and/or have the power of dragons themselves. Freya seems to be more of the latter. She is no non sense, strong and yet empathetic. She is a dreamer and a romantic. She is not afraid to get shit done either, however. What I love about her design is the fact that she is apparently not a human – she is a Burmecian. It is my subjective opinion that the more fantastical characters in a fantasy, the better. Who plays humans in World of Warcraft? I am a boring human in real life, after all. Freya is from another city kingdom called Burmecia whose inhabitants look like humanoid rodents with distinct facial features (similar to that of the Skaven from WHFB, yes-yes). They also have claws and tails. They stand tall and proud, and Freya is no exception. In terms of gameplay, she is a solid frontliner with the already mentioned jump abilities – dragoons also invoke the power of dragons and her weapon of choice is the spear. She also has a semi romantic – platonic relationship with a fellow Burmecian dragoon named Sir Fratley, whom she has been looking for ever since he has disappeared. And their reunion is a tragedy as well. When it comes down to it, I like Freya because she is the type of a female character I love in any media. She is not an omnipotent Rey, but is very confident and capable still. She also is not afraid to show love and emotion. Freya is amazing and I could gush about her for days.

I really like Vivi. He is uncertain, very shy, introverted and ultimately afraid (and terrified) when he slowly comes to the realization that he might also be artificially created just like the other Black Mages. What makes Vivi different however is that he has the stature and mind of a 10ish year old boy. The Queen’s Black Mages are tall, adult like and have a very computer like disposition. They follow simple commands, do not appear to express any feelings or thoughts. They do not have opinions. They are killing machines and that is it. Vivi however does all that and behaves like a real person. His journey of finding out who he is and how he came to be is harrowing, sad and overall, very well done. His responses to what is happening around him as well as to him are believable and he is very sympathetic. I just want to hug him and tell him that everything is going to be fine. What needs to be said is that Vivi reacts better to all the horrific truths he finds about himself better than any adult in the game to less dramatic circumstances. Really goes to show that even in video games, age itself is rarely representative of maturity, just like in real life.

There is also Quinna. A character of ambiguous gender and role. They are a giant that is solely obsessed by eating good food. They join Zidane and Co. with the promise that if they travel the world together, Quinna gets to eat all the delicious food there is. I like Quinna. They are entertaining and it seems to me that they might be the first straight up comic relief character in a Final Fantasy game that is actually funny. Which is rarer than a unicorn. The jokes are somewhat basic and range from catching frogs and eating them to abrupt suicide by frog, but they work 90% of the time. I have little to say about Quinna, but I love them a lot.

Finally, amongst the party members that I like is Eiko. She is a small girl, an orphan that lives in a ruined village the main storyline takes you to, eventually. Her only company are moogles. And oh my god! I just have to sidestep away from Eiko for a bit and talk about the moogles! How could I have skipped them so far? If you don’t know what a moogle is, they are essentially grumpy, sometimes lazy, sometimes annoying, type of fairies from the Final Fantasy series. Their design varies from game to game as well as the fact whether they even appear in it or not. In any case, moogles in FFIX appear as cute cuddly furry little bears (or cats?) with tiny bat wings and each moogle has a tiny ball on their head which is colored either red or pink (that is called a pom pom, kupo). They are 90% identical to the moogles you can find in FFXIV. Not only do the moogles function as characters with their own sizable side quest in the game, they also work as the save point, tent point and teleport hub in the game’s world. The males and females of the moogles are differentiated by the colors red and pink, respectively. The feminine moogles also sport a pink bowtie and clothing, which is cute. Enough about the moogles. Eiko is a small kid and she has her own trials with being left all alone. She protects a summoner relic in her village which was left to her by her grandfather who has passed. Obviously, she does not know exactly how to behave properly around other people and displays her awkward nature around others (she never misses an opportunity to profess her love to Zidane). Overall, I liked her. Just like Vivi, she takes challenges head on, she knows that you can be afraid and courage is overcoming that fear.

Usually, with Square’s track record for children characters I was dreading Eiko and Vivi, but I stand in amazement at how great they are. The other child characters in later games are abysmal in comparison. I feel like this needs to be said. I feel like Vivi and Eiko might just be the best kid characters in any Final Fantasy game (perhaps excluding FFXIV).

 

Sigh. Alright, now here we go for the characters I did not like. I will start with those I like the least and eventually I will get down to the one I dislike the most. I do not want to use the word hate. Not yet, anyway.

             

The protagonist of the game is called Zidane, like I mentioned before. I do not like Zidane very much. This is really my personal preference, but he reminds me too much of another Final Fantasy character I despise from a later game. I know this is not fair, but nothing is, so there is that. Why I don’t like Zidane, besides his obvious similarities to a certain snot nosed blonde haired idiot? Well, his nonstop abuse of anything with a skirt or a pair of boobs – and I mean NONSTOP, Zidane never misses a chance to hit on anyone. Pretty early on he sets his sights on Garnet and just bombards her with bad pick-up lines at the most inappropriate of times – like when her entire home is destroyed. Instead of consoling her or trying to give her space, Zidane is immediately in her tits about how he wants to take her out and bang her. Even Zevran would tell him to cool his jets. What else? The one aspect of Zidane’s character I like is how cheerful he is throughout the game and how optimistic he is. Final Fantasy as a series is so full of dark and edgy protagonists, and while those can work – it is my personal belief that life itself is too short to spend it moping around. Bad things happen to good people and that is horrible, but what exacerbates things I feel are unnecessarily depressive protagonists in media. So, Zidane has that going for him in my eyes. However, this is completely forgotten about at a certain point in the story when suddenly he decides he does not want to be a burden, he needs to do everything on his own, blah, blah, you know the trope. He does have parts in the story when he is not constantly hitting on Garnet that I liked – especially his relationship with Vivi and Eiko. His encouragement of Freya. Zidane seems as if he really cares about the people around him and wants them to succeed as well as be happy. Which further clashes with that one point in the story when he is suddenly a dick to everyone. And it is not like he is mind controlled. Eh, it could have been worse, could have been more like Tidus.

Right, so there is Steiner. A classic German sounding name for a very old school “knight”. Zidane calls him Rusty throughout the game and other characters also comment on his armor being less than pristine. Despite the fact that the game is situated in a medieval pseudo-European setting, the armor Steiner wears is very similar to an Iberian conquistador, which somewhat clashes with the visual theme that is presented in the game, at least for me. Furthermore, Steiner is incredibly annoying throughout the first half of the game. He is either unintentionally goofing around, always saying things that are out of touch or just cringeworthy. He makes attempts at comedy, but I never laughed. He is like Quinna, but not funny. What is worse, Steiner is supposed to be a serious character (sometimes). He is also one of the first adults in the party that you get and dare I say that he behaves more like a child than the actual two children you get in the game (wtf?). This is a recurrent theme, by the way. The game insists on him being the point of view character for many chapters and sequences, and I just cannot take him seriously. He is either fussing about Garnet being the all-important princess or insulting Zidane for being “shady”. Eventually, after several hours of this, Steiner slightly develops when one of the antagonists “joins” the group – Queen Brahne’s general and Steiner’s former colleague, Beatrix. I really like her, because she is the exact opposite of Steiner (which I think was the point) – quite literally, she is capable, no nonsense – she is a badass female warrior and a general. She has her own commando of female warriors which mirrors Steiner as well. He has his Knights of Pluto (who are shown to be incompetent and goofy, just like Steiner). It is a shame that Beatrix does not become an actual party member (this is fixed with mods, of course). For me, there was too much Steiner in the game. He either needed to become a more capable character or more serious. The humor did not work for me. I have read somewhere on a wiki that Steiner is supposed to represent the Dark Knight job from previous Final Fantasy games, but I did not see that anywhere. What a shame.

Then there is Amarant. He is a blue and green dude that looks like he fell out from a rejected Gorillaz concept art, a ridiculous design with giant arms, small legs, a goatee that would make evil Abed jealous and also hair that is impossible (which is not a criticism just an observation; impossible hair is a staple of the FF series, after all). Now, I am not one on disliking characters solely based on their appearance. But it does help if they do not look ridiculous. Which Amarant does! Anyway, what is Amarant about? He is a bounty hunter who lives for the hunt! He chases his prey relentlessly and does not care about company, friendship, love… you know the type. He is charged by bringing the party to heel and eventually Zidane beats him one on one and then like a Pokémon, he joins the party, because he has nothing better to do. Throughout the game he keeps pestering Zidane and Garnet, and Vivi. He keeps insulting them for having feelings, he insults everyone whenever they express happiness or joy. While Zidane and Garnet are professing their love for each other - boring and unfulfilling love - Amarant is studying the blade. If I could roll my eyes any harder, my optic nerves would be tangled like Rapunzel’s hair. Amarant has one line at the very end, when he says that he respects Zidane but still thinks he is an idiot for caring about others. What a useless character.

I despise Garnet. She is what I hate in every female character in any media. Weak and pathetic - always needing saving. She is the opposite of a Mary Sue. Absolutely worthless. I just… I don’t know what else is there to say? Sometimes she reacts normally to certain events happening, but most of the time she is truly the original Princess Peach. Sorry, Zidane, the princess is in another castle. There are times in the story when she is given power for power’s sake and she does NOTHING with it. She is also central to the story, so it is not like you can just park her outside the obligatory 4 party members slot (like I do with Aerith every time I play VII). The game insists on having you play as either her or Steiner and it is infuriating. These parts cannot be skipped, they contribute little to anything to the plot and are somehow more worthless than the Laguna flashbacks in VIII. Oh, she is sad because she has to live the life of a princess. Oh, she is sad, because her mother starts a war. Oh, she is sad because Zidane keeps hitting on her. Oh, she is sad because evil clowns kidnap her. Oh. My. God. Meanwhile there are two literal children in the party that have their entire lives turned upside down, have been abandoned and had their families slaughtered, but yes, Garnet, please tell me more about how sad you are. Not even their romance makes any sense. She falls for Zidane…. Because? Because the story requires her to do so in order to move forward. Pathetic. At least Beatrix and Steiner have a funny happenstance of a meeting that I could see being real. They complement each other. Steiner, despite his faults has a sense of deep loyalty and that is something that Beatrix admires about him, while Steiner is smitten with how Beatrix really is amazing at everything she does, but then again, she does not feel steady or grounded in what she feels. Zidane and Garnet? They are a couple, because he is the protagonist and she is the love interest. There is no other reason. I hate this.

Right, so these were the party members. I loved Freya, Vivi, Quinna and Eiko. I did not like Steiner, Zidane and Amarant. I hated Garnet. Last we left the story was when Queen Brahne of Alexandria declared war on the other city kingdoms. She lays waste to Burmecia, annihilating it completely while the party slowly trudges through the ruins, while the Burmecian survivors flee towards a distant refuge. So, the story so far had me really hooked in. There were some characters I did not care for, but the overall plot of pseudo-medieval geopolitics was super interesting. I also liked the personal stories of Vivi and Freya. It is in the ruins of Burmecia where we first meet Kuja. Oh boy. This is the mysterious weapons dealer who supplies Queen Brahne with the endless supply of black mages in exchange for Garnet’s eikons (Final Fantasy name for summons). And let me go on another tangent here. Once again, first let me comment on the design of Kuja. This is probably nothing surprising, but I did not like it. I try not to overuse swearing, I have always felt that swear words have their place in everyday life as well as in any media and there is just no way of saying this otherwise, so here goes nothing. Kuja looks like he woke up one day and decided he wanted to get the prize for the biggest slut in the universe. There is nothing quite like this design. It is ridiculous beyond any belief. He wears a loosely clasped see through veil around his hips, a man thong with the tiniest spot covering his junk, a bra with sleeves and nothing else. This is slut central, the harlot train 5000, the ambassador of the hooker bimbos. It is just… unbelievable. I fail to put into words how fantastically unreal the design is. I thought that I would never feast my eyes on a more absurd character design than Master Seymour from FFX, but here we are.

I tried my best to not judge a book by its cover, I tried to get past the design and I figured, ok, let me see what is this mysterious weapons dealer is all about. But, come on. He arrives on a silver feathery dragon (that is green) and he even has a theme song that sounds like a slowed down “We Will Rock You” by the Queen and starts strutting about, thrusting his hips about in the most erotic fashion possible while trying to be threating and commanding like Darth Vader. And I just cannot, I am sorry, Final Fantasy IX, I tried. The writers also give him this serious script that is nowhere near as wild as his design – Kuja is basically just another typical Final Fantasy villain that essentially wants to first rule the world and then, when this is not possible, he wants to destroy it, because screw it. Actually, he wants to destroy not just this world, but all the worlds, everywhere and all of reality at the same time. There is more to this, but it is hardly nuanced and it is something you have seen done a million times everywhere else. I have read that people like Kuja because he is “complex” and combines the traits of three various other villains from the Final Fantasy series – specifically Kefka’s nihilism (nothing matters, so why bother), Golbez’s dynamic with a good and an evil brother (oh yes, he is Zidane’s “brother“) and Xande’s fear of mortality. I disagree with this assessment, primarily because these are defining traits of three separate characters that make sense when they are separate. They make little sense when combined, at least to me.

 

I am going to try and maintain the illusion that I can follow the narrative in a comprehensive way in a similar fashion as I could not just accept Kuja as a character that exists in the world of FFIX and was constantly taken out of it, whenever he appeared.

But I will try – there is a magical giant tree that is sentient which produces a mysterious substance called the Mist. Which is in reality all the souls of the deceased of the world Gaia, which is where the game takes place. This Mist produces monsters and covers certain parts of the continent, which is why the kingdom of Lindblum where Cid reigns utilizes airships (which was neat and I loved this aspect of worldbuilding). This Mist is also used by Kuja to create more Black Mages for Queen Brahne’s army. The party does some travelling and visits more medieval looking towns, there is a card tournament, there is a fighting tournament and more worldbuilding and I am loving this part. Eventually, they all travel to this magical tree where they figure some things out, they defeat the Avatar of this tree, Kuja appears and mind controls Bahamut with a space ship, kills Brahne, proceeds to destroy Alexandria just moments after Garnet is supposed to become the new Queen – then the party flees to Lindblum, where Kuja appears again and destroys it with a giant mouth (it’s the Atomos summon/enemy) and flies off like team rocket again. Only team rocket wishes they were that sexy and slutty looking when doing all their evil shenanigans. Up to this point I am still kind of on board and while whenever Kuja is on screen I am just torn away from the world and my immersion is ruined – I enjoy the battle system, I enjoy the locales and the various game mechanics. I am loving the music.

Some more things happen, Garnet loses her voice and is extremely sad (oh no! Anyway…), Zidane hits on her some more just after she lost her adoptive mother, her queenship, her city kingdom and everyone she ever knew died (come on Garnet, it is just like happy festival fireworks!). What I neglected to mention is that Cid is cursed by his wife, because he was chasing other women and cheated on her, which is a plot point that just slaps you out of nowhere and I do not know whether to take this seriously or not. It was funny as hell, but I do not think that was what the writers were going for. Eventually, through a lot of backtracking and filler the party figures out that the magical tree they were already at some 10 hours of game time previously is the source of Kuja’s power. At least they think so. So, they commandeer Cid’s airship and fly towards it.

Unlike the previous Final Fantasy games in the series, this one has a lot of CG generated cutscenes. A lot! Sometimes it felt like there were too many of them and too little game, but it never reached the ridiculousness of other FF games (like XIII). Such a scene plays when the party aboard the airship gets towards the tree – other ships appear, an entire flotilla of ships with survivors from Lindblum, Burmecia and Alexandria. It is a super powered friendship moment because the flotilla helps the party reach a portal that has appeared above the magical tree out of which a massive herd of dragons attacks everyone. It is a spectacle during which you as the player do nothing.

 

Right, this is the part where the first two thirds of the story are concluded and where really my enjoyment of the game ends. What follows is the last third that had me disinterested and asking regularly “how much more of this is there?”.

 

The party wakes up in another world, another dimension in a different point of time. They do not know where they are or how they got there. It all looks very H.R. Geiger but for kids – so just like the original Alien movie. No absurd genitals or graphic sexual violence. I kind of like the design, but that is about the only thing I enjoy. What they find out is this – there is a different world called Terra, which was destroyed a long time ago by a cataclysm of natural circumstances. Before the survivors withdrew into stasis in their cryosleep pods they created an everlasting custodian called Garland who was supposed to take care of them, and possibly also figure out how to bring everything back. Talk about high expectations. Garland looks like an evil version of Iron Man – complete with a black mechanical suit and a red arc reactor on his chest. He created artificial monkey people like Kuja and Zidane who were sent to Gaia to help create a process called “rejoining” (FFXIV fans, pat yourselves on the back). This would essentially merge the remains of Terra into Gaia and create a new world which could be repopulated by the sleeping original inhabitants of Terra. For this, Garland created the magical tree which turned the souls of Gaia’s inhabitants into Mist and allowed the souls of Terra’s people to be integrated into Gaia’s system of reincarnation, essentially replacing the souls of Gaia. Garland gives a lot of power to Kuja, who is his lieutenant – including his inter-dimensional space ship that sucks up summons like a hoover as well as allows Kuja to mind control them. Zidane has forgotten all about this, of course. Amnesia, what a plot device. Kuja does not like to be Garland’s lackey and eventually rebels against him. He attacks the party, who defeats him. Then the party defeats Garland who besides his really great design is just spouting non-sense all the time, pseudo intellectual and pseudo philosophical non sense about how what is reality anyway, what defines a soul, etc. The entire theme of the game is further reinforced as existentialism. Why does anything matter? Why should we bother doing anything when eventually we die, because we are mortal? What is the point of any of it?

Well, the game does not bother answering any of these hard questions, it just gives you the usual power of friendship and the party succeeds in stopping the rejoining, stopping Garland and stopping Kuja.

I want to make a somewhat insignificant remark in regards to the story here. The final level is called Memoria and is very reminiscent of Griffith’s dream from Berserk – especially the long staired wind up to the castle. There is also a screen in the castle that looks entirely lifted from Berserk, from the same sequence – when boy Griffith is chasing his dream during the events of his rebirth during the Eclipse.

Ok, so the party defeats Kuja, who wants to destroy everything because he realized that he was also made by Garland to be mortal and will die. And what is the point of anything existing if he is going to perish, right? After he is defeated, the ultimate god of the universe suddenly shows up and the party defeats that too, because friendship is magical and love is awesome.

I am aching at this point. The endings of Final Fantasy are like the endings of a Stephen King novel.

Everybody gets magically transported back onto Gaia, into the magical tree. Everyone starts fleeing, but Zidane who at a last minute decides to go back for Kuja. Everybody pleads with Zidane not to go back as the tree is collapsing and he will surely die. Amarant calls him an idiot and fucks off, proving once again his worthlessness to the narrative. Zidane finds a dying Kuja at the root of the structure and they exchange some words about friendship and being brothers. The scene fades to black. If it were to end here, I would actually not be that mad.

It does not.

The game then shows what happened to everyone. Freya reunites with Sir Fratley and they get their happily ever after, so does Steiner and Beatrix. Quina goes on to become the royal culinarian of the kingdom of Alexandria. Vivi seemingly dies because Black Mages only live for a limited amount of time, but leaves behind identical copies of himself, his sons, which is heart-wrenching. Amarant is mean to a girl and as usual does not contribute anything. Garnet has her crowning ceremony during which the Tantalus theatre company once again performs the same show it did at the beginning of the game, the game shows a lot of the play – 10 minutes straight of actors performing their lines. It is drawing out as much as it can the fake out death of Zidane as possible. It takes way too long. Eventually, the lead of the shows discards his costume and is revealed to be the protagonist and tearful Garnet runs to him, discarding much of the stately jewelry, including the royal jewel for which she was named before jumping on him in a loving embrace.

The end.

 

All I have to ask is this: were the last 6 hours of non-sense sci-fi really necessary? Square had a strong medieval fantasy with various kingdoms vying for power and some shady behind the scenes manipulation. Sure, Kuja is ridiculous and cannot be taken seriously, but if the story remained grounded in what it was, it would have stuck the landing.

It may seem like I was really harsh on Final Fantasy IX, it may even seem like I really dislike the game. This is not true, overall, I liked it, I just found the last third disappointing. If I were to rate it, I would have to explain it too. A 10/10 is a legendary video game, a 5/10 is an average game with nothing exceptional about it and a 1/10 is utter garbage and a waste of time. The first two thirds of the game were strong, really great, perhaps even 8/10, but the last third and the ending just drag it down for me. And just like a terrible ending can ruin an otherwise great movie, so was the case with this game for me.

I would rate Final Fantasy IX a solid 7/10 – a truly good and above average experience.